(Patriarchy) There is No Opt-In; You Cannot Opt Out

“Patriarchy damages every last one of us, that this damage influences how we act and who we are, and that we should work to correct this damage, if only to live life as honestly as possible under Patriarchy.

Another way of coping with this damage is to pretend that the damage is avoidable or to neutralize/sanitize it.  In other words, to lie to ourselves and pretend that we control how Patriarchy damages us.

If Patriarchy is avoidable, then wouldn’t it all behoove us to avoid it?  If there was an anti-Patriarchy Spray we could use to sanitize woman-hating imagery, why wouldn’t we?”

In an Opt-In system, a Person must voluntarily decide to participate in an activity. So, for example, some states have laws that require consumers to affirmatively Opt-In to receiving telemarketing phone calls.  If you don’t Opt-In, you CANNOT receive telemarketing calls.

Opt-In only works if you have an actual choice as to whether or not to participate in an activity.  And even then, it doesn’t work well (although consumer advocates prefer Opt-Ins to Opt-Outs, because the Opt-In at least has the illusion of control).

Living in Patriarchy is not an Opt-In system. You cannot Opt-In to this thing that is so insidious, that we are born into, that many of us never even consider in our lives.  If there is an Opt-In, it happens when you are born – and of course, no one “chooses” to be born. You just are born, soaking in Patriarchy.

So, no. There is no Opt-In.

So what about an Opt-Out? Can you really create a Patriarchy-Free Bubble?

Patriarchy Free Bubble?

In an Opt-Out system, you, the individual, need to take an affirmative action to removeyourself from an activity.  So, by way of analogy, consumers can Opt-Out of receiving telemarketing calls by registering their telephone numbers with the National Do Not Call Registry.  That is, the DEFAULT is that you WILL participate in an activity, and only through an affirmative act on your part can you (hopefully) decline participation (although anyone who had registered on the Do Not Call Registry probably knows how poorly it works).

So, is Patriarchy an Opt-Out System?

Well, for certain the default is that you WILL participate in Patriarchy. Patriarchy is all around us.

Can you make a choice to escape from Patriarchy?

No. You can pretend that Pimp Slap means something other than violence against Women by Men, and you can pretend that your home is a Patriarchy-Free Zone, but these are defense mechanisms, wishes, hopes, dreams.  The fantasy of an Opt-Out – the escape hatch – is just a trick that allows you to believe that there is an escape if only, if only, if only.

“Porn isn’t bad when it’s made by Us. BDSM is feminist when we do it. Misogynystic language is ok when I say it because reasons.”

It is understandable that Women want to control, to manage, to decide what happens to us.  I get it. Try to “reclaim” slurs like Whore, Bitch, Slut. It’s “empowering.” Sure. If you are getting objectified anyway, do it “on your own terms.” Feminist porn is not like “the really bad porn.”

Except it doesn’t work. Pretending words aren’t rooted in Male Violence against Women, pretending that you can create a Patriarchy-Free Bubble, making “feminist” porn – these are an individual coping strategies.  They do not represent a path to liberation of the class of Women – because in order to “work,” we’d all have to lie to ourselves and all decide to believe the delusions (kind of like Gender Identity).

You can live your life in a bubble, if you choose. You can also develop a drinking problem.  But please don’t expect the rest of us to go along with your delusions or pretend that you aren’t an alcoholic.

The least you can do for Women is to be honest.

Read more:  There is No Opt-In; You Cannot Opt Out by Cathy Brennon

Advertisements

Radical Beyond Pronouns: On Gender Zombies, DGR, and Feminism

From Radical Beyond Pronouns: On Gender Zombies, DGR, and Feminism:

Ours is a sad era called patriarchy. Men have power over women. There’s no good reason for this; nothing natural about it.

Gender is a hierarchy, not a binary. Gender needs to be abolished, not reformed.

“Woman” is a political class. It’s made up of human beings who share the common condition of being exploited based on their biological sex and the common goal of liberation.

“Woman” is not a choice, but an imposed reality. Just like race and just like class.

Men who don’t feel like men don’t have the same experience of women who don’t feel like women. The former group is disavowing the spoils of their privilege, while the latter is seeking to escape their oppression.

Women aged 15-44 are more likely to be injured or killed by male violence than from cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war combined

From Prostitution, Liberalism, and Slavery, by Melissa Farley

“In rape cultures, the sexual terrorism of rape and prostitution are downplayed, underestimated, or denied… Rape cultures normalize the objectification and commodification of women as sex and blame victims for their own victimization. The global finding that women aged 15-44 are more likely to be injured or killed by male violence than from cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war combined – only makes sense when understood as a result of cultural acceptance of sexual violence.”

 

Another male “feminist” talking down to women about just what it is that they are doing “wrong”

From The myth of the leftist, feminist, anti-racist, elitist by Michael Laxer, Feminist Current

The sheer idiocy of a wealthy straight male (or any male of any kind) telling women how they should frame the language of their own liberation movement, however, did not prevent large numbers of liberal men (and, of course, some women) like CBC Toronto’s Metro Morning host Matt Galloway on air, from gushing over it, thrilled, apparently, to see yet another in a long line of alleged male “feminists” talking down to women about just what it is that they are doing “wrong” that men could tell them how to do better.

Like abandoning the very term feminism for starters.

 

To objectify a man would be to remove his power

From:  “A magazine for everybody” is a magazine for men by Meghan Murphy via Feminist Current 

“When there was a man in the photo, it didn’t totally work,” Prickett claims. Well no. Of course it “didn’t work.” We’re used to looking at women in this way, it makes us feel comfortable. To objectify a man would be to remove his power. That’s why it feels uncomfortable to us. We are accustomed to women portrayed as powerless.

Why do we not see that there is a war being waged against the female sex?

From Male Violence Affects Us All, by The Artic Feminist

Why do we hesitate to see male violence and the male sex caste for what they are?  Why do we not see that there is a war being waged against the female sex that has been going steady for thousands of years and that we are losing, badly?  Why do we not see that all women, no matter what they achieve are always under the threat of some man getting to define them (as victim) forever?  We desperately need to build communities that function away from men.  Refuges for our refugees.  We need to stop acting as if all of this is just a misunderstanding and get serious about putting an end to male violence, for good.